This module focused on groups and the interplay that happens within them. Once again we dipped beyond the task and procedure level into the process - what's happening beneath the surface, the emotions and feelings - and boy was it interesting. It took me 48 hours to really comprehend that all the exercises we had taken part in provided a real time window into what's really happening in a group situation... Basically it was like having a pair of X-Ray specs that stripped the group's emotions bare for us to more fully understand what was going on - a chance to see a deeper layer. Despite the different focus, once again it was all about the self, this time it's the added complexity of other selves to consider as well.
One of the moments of enlightenment for me was a storytelling exercise where we gathered in a circle to tell a story about an experience of facilitation. We each had 3 minutes and at the end of that time was called, regardless of whether we had finished. If you didn't use your time up then the 3 minutes finished in reflective silence. This seemingly simple task threw up all sorts of insights, some of which took a while to sink in fully for me. I told my story from a point of that I've been asked to tell a story so that's what I have to do. The person who followed me reacted very differently. She felt she had no story to tell, so sat in silence for the full 3 minutes. I was mortified for her - I would have done anything rather than take that approach, even if it meant making something up. We completed the task, with everyone else offering up something and then debriefed. It turned out she was completely comfortable with saying nothing, following it up with "I'm here to learn from others so I don't feel I need to say much." While this didn't sit comfortably with me, it wasn't until the next exercise that the my frustration started to get the better of me. The next exercise was to receive feedback from the fellow group members, and mine included the observation that my willingness to open our discussions and offer my views might block others from speaking and also was seen by some (more reflective members) as being less considered in my responses. Rationally or not, suddenly I felt responsible for creating space in the room for others to speak. I also felt (taking the negative feedback straight to heart) that my contribution was not valued by the group. Rather than discuss it, I decided to withhold any input at all in the next session, which was stark in its contrast to previous sessions, so suddenly there was tension in the group that hadn't been there previously, which quickly created divisions and undermined trust! What was different here was that we were then asked to voice how we felt, and so all this came to the fore. It became very apparent that none of this was intended, but was a simple result of the ways in which people come to a group, shaped by preference and experience. The way we operate, what we feel, is often hidden and is critically important to engaging both hearts and minds in complex organisations where change and uncertainty are daily occurrences.
What was also clear was that you can't spend your whole time in the process level. It was exhausting unpicking what was happening beneath the surface and that was in a situation where people were openly sharing how they were feeling. The key is to understand when it's necessary to drop into this level, and to be able to do it recognising your own bias so that you don't simply put your own lens onto everything. We also talked about needing to do this from a point of view of unconditional love - i.e. no-one comes to work to do a bad job, 'there are no difficult people, only people in difficulty'. I take my hat off to anyone who is truly able to do this. I agree with the sentiment but will admit I'm not yet that gracious. I feel that would require a level of acceptance and spirituality I don't yet have - maybe I'm still too stuck in task to be able to let go fully. Something (else) to work on!
