Your truth may not be mine

Last week marked the third and last module of my OD practitioners programme and I can safely say it's been a huge joy and privilege to go on that learning journey with the people I did. The last module looked at the organisation and as before gave so many insights into what we experience every day in our work and personal life. As before the reflections are only just sinking in and I've made a long list of posts to write about. This blog came about from the first module and I've found that writing helps me to embed and explore what I'm trying to make sense of. It's been hugely useful for me.

I thought I'd start with an obvious one. On day one we got into a discussion of ourselves as part of a system, in this case the organisations that we work for. By simply being there, through your action or inaction, you affect the system and its outcomes. I saw this first hand in module 2 when we explored the impact of  individuals in a group - by saying nothing it can have a huge impact on others - both positive and negative.

Part of recognising and understanding the dynamics of a system is to recognise each person arrives with their own set of truths. Our previous experiences, bias, beliefs and relationships will all affect how we view a system and what's going on in it. This perception we bring affects how we try and influence an situation, and who we try and influence. It can dictate who we naturally side with and the stances we take. Not only does your perception of the past change the way you might act, but also your perception of future opportunity. If you believe the future is bright, you're more likely to be positive about the here and now, even if it's not all going your way. The opposite can be true also of course.

Given you can never hope to know all of what has gone before, all of the individual nuances of each person in a system, the question is how to know enough to be effective and to make interventions that have positive outcomes?

One of my key learnings is to take the time to talk to people and understand their truth. We are all different and how I see a situation is likely to be different to how you see it. Where you sit in a system affects your truth - at the bottom of the organisation when you have less control, actions can feel like they are being done to you. At the top it's hard to understand the impact of this, even if you came up through a system and know it well. It evolves constantly, times and truths change. By understanding what you see I can understand the impact of the system on you. The challenge of course is we never have enough time and so this seems like a luxury. But is it? Given every system is the product of its people, only people and their actions can change a system. As a leader you must therefore make the time to understand the different versions of the truth in your system and reconcile these sufficiently to appreciate which levers you can pull in order to progress. This is why all good leaders need time and space to reflect, and a management team to put into action the leadership decisions (you'd need to be superhuman to do both). The best leaders will also have taken the time to see a set of decisions through a variety of eyes, from the shop floor up, learning and course correcting as they go. Not an easy skill to acquire.

Slowing down

My intention was to start this post with a comment about 'some days, I just don't feel like it', but actually when I started to write it translated into some thoughts about slowing down. I've just had 2 days on a coaching course about relationship selling and how to help team members sell less in order to win more. It all makes absolute sense - spend time getting to know the person you are trying to establish a working relationship with , understand their needs, issues and constraints, be empathic in your discussions with them, prepare more for more productive outcomes. So if it's so obvious, why don't I do this every day?

I found myself at one point getting quite frustrated with a member of the group who was making the point that as coaches we should make additional time to prep for coaching others. "How?" my inner voice was screaming! "Who's making time for me?" Who's helping me prioritise the multitude of different demands on my time that might be just another meeting for me but really important for the person I'm meeting. My diary is my biggest constraint and yet only I can tame it and bring it under control. In doing so I worry that I may become the leader who appears aloof and distant, with little or no time to spend with anyone.

3 other concepts I'm going to capture here due to their wider applicability:
1. Win / Win scenarios and the goal to always think in this way. If a relationship or project is not win / win then the loser will quickly become disheartened and lose momentum so dragging the winner into a losing position over time.
2. Yellow lights - the signals which give you a sense of confusion or concern. While they can be easy to ignore its worth taking the time to check whether it's safe to carry on or not.
3. Value justification - what you are willing and able to pay / give up.

Given all this is highly transferable into every aspect of life, today on my train journey in I'm pausing, going slow to think about what I can do differently. If  2 days out of the normal office routine doesn't result in some change in behaviour why bother? If I'm going to be as effective as I can be and maintain some overall sanity, my diary is the starting point. Much as I'd like to wipe the week clean and start again, I can think about what are the important meetings, commit fully to those and then see what room is left for the other stuff. Maybe if I take some stuff out no one will even notice?!

As for who's coaching me, it's a good question. One to ponder on.

What's my purpose #3

In a recent conversation I made the observation that maybe purpose doesn't need to be one big thing - maybe it's a combination of little things that on reflection, over time, become a guiding purpose. The power of reflection is fickle; sometimes you get an insight in a moment, other times it takes years.

It's easy to look at inspirational achievers and think they must have had it sussed from the outset - how could someone be so dedicated / clear / impactful unless they had always known what they were striving for? I know for some this is the case - elite athletes seem to know exactly what they are aiming for and every part of what they do is focused on delivering to those goals - often with significant sacrifice I might add. But when I read or listen to the stories of others who have achieved great things I notice that there is a common theme that they didn't know what this was all in service of until they looked back and put their story together. It's the reflection and refinement of their message that makes it all clear.

This couples nicely with the power of story. I was encouraged recently to watch a TED Talk on the 'Power of a Single Story', the essence of which is that if you only tell a single story about yourself then this is what people will see and believe of you, so take the time to look for or tell the other stories to show the multiple facets of who you are. Conversely if you want to reinforce a message or a purpose, be consistent in how you tell the story to shape what you want people to believe. I suspect politicians worked this out a while back!

I know that I'm beginning the see my story, and feel confident in a growing sense of purpose that wasn't there for me even a few years ago. The nice thing about now having passed the 2 year mark at work also is that I'm feeling now a sense of commitment and loyalty that just wasn't there initially. Is this a time thing - maybe that's part of it. Is it a feeling of belonging - I think that helps as well. For me though I believe that much of it has come about from this reflection and taking some time to think about where I bring value - where do I feel most engaged and valued for my contribution. I know that the little interventions I make with the people around me - the time I spend talking to them about not only what they are trying to do but how they might do it - is important. Increasingly it feels like this is where I can make a difference. We can all focus on selling, and this is important - it's what pays our bills, but also focusing on how people feel about themselves and the people around them as they go about this is different.

I've getting clearer and more confident every day about the legacy I want to leave, and hence my purpose and path. I want to create an environment where people can strike a balance and be the best they can be at work while still finding the balance to be the best they can be out of work. It's easy to write that and much harder to achieve, particularly in a high performing, metrics led organisation. The good news is that I'm in an organisation that believes this is the right thing to do, even if it's not happening everywhere, everyday. I think that's why I'm finally feeling like a fully paid up member of the team.