What makes a good ally?

With the nominations for International Womens day upon us the question was raised by a colleague as to whether we have anyone to nominate for the Good Ally category. I was really struck by the fact that no-one came to mind, not just now, but ever. This got me thinking – is that because I’ve been lucky enough not to have worked in an organisation where discrimination is rife? Certainly not! Is it because the men around me don’t care about supporting talented women? Nope. So why can’t I think of any immediate examples of men who stand out as good allies?

I have always worked in white, male dominated organisations, so you might think discrimination is the order of the day. In fact, because I’ve been worked for companies where we are aiming to attract the best, brightest and most diverse candidates we are very aware of the need to call out bias, not to discriminate and to make the work place accessible to all regardless of gender, colour and able-bodiness. We have great policies on all these things. But we are still a long way off our equality targets so there is more work to do and therefore surely we need more allies to champion the cause of great women?

As is my way I asked around to hear what others think. Do they see themselves as allies? What does this look like? And more importantly than whether I see myself as an ally, do those around me see me as one?

So what makes a great ally? Here are just a few of the key attributes I see as important:

1. Listening – to as many voices as possible to better understand the issues from those that are experiencing them, not our perception of what that might be like
2. Being consistent – you can’t dip in and out of being an ally – you have to be active and constant. This can be really hard if you are trying to make an impression yourself and possibly one of the biggest reasons you end up with fair weather allies who speak up when on safe ground only
3. Be active – don’t just think it, speak out, particularly when it really counts
4. Do it for the right reasons – i.e. to support the group in question, not to support your own purposes

There are loads of others but they are probably for the more advanced user! So when I reflect on why I don’t have any good role models that come to mind I think it’s mostly about #3 on my list.  The colleague I spoke to said that when women reach out to him for mentoring or support, he always gives it. He sees himself as an ally and he certainly is one of the most supportive men I know in the office. I do the same, but then if I challenge myself, so I stand up and speak out enough? I would certainly call out any clear bias, but then that’s easy. What about the jokey comments, the behind the scenes banter which I may not always join in with but don’t always call out.

So this brings me onto the more challenging problems of progression for minorities in my workplace – the unseen bias and discrimination. This same colleague and I got onto talking about inclusivity and how that impacts progression. As he said – many relationships are formed and many decisions are made outside of the office and its formal structures. It may be in the bar after work, or on the early morning run or bike ride or the rugby pitch etc. etc. there are multiple examples of where women feel excluded or exclude themselves because actually there are other things in life which mean more. Trying to put my own experiences into perspective I challenged myself with two things; am I an ally and do I call out where things happen which exclude people, including me?

I do call things out, but by doing so I often feel I’ve singled myself out for as being different (and difficult) and it doesn’t always feel positive. Given this is how I feel as one of the most senior women in our business, how daunting must it feel to someone who is still trying to make it up the greasy pole? Even more daunting when you are surrounding by a predominance of men who, while sympathetic if given an explanation, don’t appear to think inclusivity first. So given I am a leader, and I don’t have as much to lose, I am calling it out more often and more loudly. I’m also calling others to arms to get a bit of solidarity going – to make sure it’s clear than change comes only with action. As ever, we have to be the change we want to see.