Thinking about my thinking

Yesterday was a day of fascinating conversations. First was breakfast with a group of female colleagues where we talked about everything from handbags and decision making jelly to the challenge of getting unbiased advice when you most need it - who can you go to when you need to hear it how it is...


I then had lunch with a wonderful lady who I was privileged enough to meet some years ago when she provided executive coaching to me. She opened my eyes and my heart to the science behind many of the beliefs that I had intuitively held but previously couldn't have credentialised - so important when you work in an organisation of expert leaders. This included the importance of happiness and the value of writing to unblock the unconscious thought to name but two.


The question of who we can each turn to in order to get the truth, whatever that is, without a personal agenda is a thorny one. Partnership is a wonderful principle of talented people working together towards a common purpose. Of course it also comes with the challenge that we are all individually measured and hence there is a strong risk of self serving behaviour. This becomes particularly acute when the going is tough and we live in uncertain times. We talked about this at some length and each agreed that it's difficult. We have the luxury of huge autonomy. With that autonomy comes more than enough rope to hang yourself with. Who is going to stop you if you are heading in that direction? Of course so much of this comes down to trust, and to trust you have to spend time building an understanding of them and them of you. This requires you to take time out and we are all so busy busy all of the time.


Being busy led neatly onto my lunchtime discussion. We were talking about reflection and the way the mind and heart are connected. The mind works on electrical impulses - this is essentially what our thoughts are made of. Practices of deep reflection, often through meditation, can supercharge these electrical impulses and stimulate the heart and mind and so creating new energy and creativity - fundamental for inspirational leadership and innovation. We talked about the importance of taking time out of our busy schedules to reflect deeply and unblock the unconscious thoughts within us. I shared that when I write I don't plan what I'm going to say beforehand - I start to type and it comes from within. Writing my thoughts down fuels my awareness and learning. By learning something new I'm making new neural connections in my brain, flexing a muscle and making it stronger.There's a whole body of science behind this which I love. I'm hopeless at remembering the scientific concepts in detail but even knowing enough to be able to say something is proven is helpful when sharing with others who need a more evidential approach in order to stimulate belief.


From this lunchtime conversation I have started exploring some new writers and thinkers. This morning it was Dr Joe Dispenza's TED talk on the 3 brains: thinking to doing to being. Simply put you start with an intellectual understanding of something new which encourages you to act in a different way (intention to behaviour) to create a new experience - both what you've done and how it makes you feel. The emotional response releases all kinds of chemicals in your brain which helps to rewire the synapses and creates a learning experience. By consciously repeating the action you hardwire the brain such that it becomes unconscious and you move from doing to being. The beauty of this is that it starts with Metacognition - thinking about what you are thinking about and making a decision to do something different. That takes some effort and requires you to consciously observe who you are being and who you want to be, then making steps towards it. I love that - it's such a simple but complex idea - I'm off to think about it!

Your truth may not be mine

Last week marked the third and last module of my OD practitioners programme and I can safely say it's been a huge joy and privilege to go on that learning journey with the people I did. The last module looked at the organisation and as before gave so many insights into what we experience every day in our work and personal life. As before the reflections are only just sinking in and I've made a long list of posts to write about. This blog came about from the first module and I've found that writing helps me to embed and explore what I'm trying to make sense of. It's been hugely useful for me.

I thought I'd start with an obvious one. On day one we got into a discussion of ourselves as part of a system, in this case the organisations that we work for. By simply being there, through your action or inaction, you affect the system and its outcomes. I saw this first hand in module 2 when we explored the impact of  individuals in a group - by saying nothing it can have a huge impact on others - both positive and negative.

Part of recognising and understanding the dynamics of a system is to recognise each person arrives with their own set of truths. Our previous experiences, bias, beliefs and relationships will all affect how we view a system and what's going on in it. This perception we bring affects how we try and influence an situation, and who we try and influence. It can dictate who we naturally side with and the stances we take. Not only does your perception of the past change the way you might act, but also your perception of future opportunity. If you believe the future is bright, you're more likely to be positive about the here and now, even if it's not all going your way. The opposite can be true also of course.

Given you can never hope to know all of what has gone before, all of the individual nuances of each person in a system, the question is how to know enough to be effective and to make interventions that have positive outcomes?

One of my key learnings is to take the time to talk to people and understand their truth. We are all different and how I see a situation is likely to be different to how you see it. Where you sit in a system affects your truth - at the bottom of the organisation when you have less control, actions can feel like they are being done to you. At the top it's hard to understand the impact of this, even if you came up through a system and know it well. It evolves constantly, times and truths change. By understanding what you see I can understand the impact of the system on you. The challenge of course is we never have enough time and so this seems like a luxury. But is it? Given every system is the product of its people, only people and their actions can change a system. As a leader you must therefore make the time to understand the different versions of the truth in your system and reconcile these sufficiently to appreciate which levers you can pull in order to progress. This is why all good leaders need time and space to reflect, and a management team to put into action the leadership decisions (you'd need to be superhuman to do both). The best leaders will also have taken the time to see a set of decisions through a variety of eyes, from the shop floor up, learning and course correcting as they go. Not an easy skill to acquire.

Slowing down

My intention was to start this post with a comment about 'some days, I just don't feel like it', but actually when I started to write it translated into some thoughts about slowing down. I've just had 2 days on a coaching course about relationship selling and how to help team members sell less in order to win more. It all makes absolute sense - spend time getting to know the person you are trying to establish a working relationship with , understand their needs, issues and constraints, be empathic in your discussions with them, prepare more for more productive outcomes. So if it's so obvious, why don't I do this every day?

I found myself at one point getting quite frustrated with a member of the group who was making the point that as coaches we should make additional time to prep for coaching others. "How?" my inner voice was screaming! "Who's making time for me?" Who's helping me prioritise the multitude of different demands on my time that might be just another meeting for me but really important for the person I'm meeting. My diary is my biggest constraint and yet only I can tame it and bring it under control. In doing so I worry that I may become the leader who appears aloof and distant, with little or no time to spend with anyone.

3 other concepts I'm going to capture here due to their wider applicability:
1. Win / Win scenarios and the goal to always think in this way. If a relationship or project is not win / win then the loser will quickly become disheartened and lose momentum so dragging the winner into a losing position over time.
2. Yellow lights - the signals which give you a sense of confusion or concern. While they can be easy to ignore its worth taking the time to check whether it's safe to carry on or not.
3. Value justification - what you are willing and able to pay / give up.

Given all this is highly transferable into every aspect of life, today on my train journey in I'm pausing, going slow to think about what I can do differently. If  2 days out of the normal office routine doesn't result in some change in behaviour why bother? If I'm going to be as effective as I can be and maintain some overall sanity, my diary is the starting point. Much as I'd like to wipe the week clean and start again, I can think about what are the important meetings, commit fully to those and then see what room is left for the other stuff. Maybe if I take some stuff out no one will even notice?!

As for who's coaching me, it's a good question. One to ponder on.

What's my purpose #3

In a recent conversation I made the observation that maybe purpose doesn't need to be one big thing - maybe it's a combination of little things that on reflection, over time, become a guiding purpose. The power of reflection is fickle; sometimes you get an insight in a moment, other times it takes years.

It's easy to look at inspirational achievers and think they must have had it sussed from the outset - how could someone be so dedicated / clear / impactful unless they had always known what they were striving for? I know for some this is the case - elite athletes seem to know exactly what they are aiming for and every part of what they do is focused on delivering to those goals - often with significant sacrifice I might add. But when I read or listen to the stories of others who have achieved great things I notice that there is a common theme that they didn't know what this was all in service of until they looked back and put their story together. It's the reflection and refinement of their message that makes it all clear.

This couples nicely with the power of story. I was encouraged recently to watch a TED Talk on the 'Power of a Single Story', the essence of which is that if you only tell a single story about yourself then this is what people will see and believe of you, so take the time to look for or tell the other stories to show the multiple facets of who you are. Conversely if you want to reinforce a message or a purpose, be consistent in how you tell the story to shape what you want people to believe. I suspect politicians worked this out a while back!

I know that I'm beginning the see my story, and feel confident in a growing sense of purpose that wasn't there for me even a few years ago. The nice thing about now having passed the 2 year mark at work also is that I'm feeling now a sense of commitment and loyalty that just wasn't there initially. Is this a time thing - maybe that's part of it. Is it a feeling of belonging - I think that helps as well. For me though I believe that much of it has come about from this reflection and taking some time to think about where I bring value - where do I feel most engaged and valued for my contribution. I know that the little interventions I make with the people around me - the time I spend talking to them about not only what they are trying to do but how they might do it - is important. Increasingly it feels like this is where I can make a difference. We can all focus on selling, and this is important - it's what pays our bills, but also focusing on how people feel about themselves and the people around them as they go about this is different.

I've getting clearer and more confident every day about the legacy I want to leave, and hence my purpose and path. I want to create an environment where people can strike a balance and be the best they can be at work while still finding the balance to be the best they can be out of work. It's easy to write that and much harder to achieve, particularly in a high performing, metrics led organisation. The good news is that I'm in an organisation that believes this is the right thing to do, even if it's not happening everywhere, everyday. I think that's why I'm finally feeling like a fully paid up member of the team.

Saying goodbye

Today I said goodbye to a wonderful friend who passed too young. Attending the funeral of a young women not yet 45, a mother, daughter, sister, friend and lover certainly makes you stop and think about the life you are leading and what's really important. All this talk about purpose and passion becomes simpler - are we not here to live a good life, one in which we do what we can to make the most of what we have without negatively impacting others?


As friends gathered form all over we made promises to each other not too leave it too long until next time, for it to be a joyous occasion when we next meet rather than one of sorrow, for us to lift our heads out of the everyday and remember to stop and be thankful for all we have. For us not to be so caught up in life that we allow it to pass so quickly before our eyes.


I drove home and kissed my husband and children - I held my daughters tight and gave thanks for the fact that they have a mother to hold, to be there for them, to watch over them as they develop and grow. I also gave thanks that above all else we have our health.


Sometimes life deals some rubbish blows - be thankful for what you have - don't spend all your time wondering where you are going - pause and reflect on all you have now.

Can I trust you?

There's a great quote from Bertrand Russell which feels particularly pertinent in these uncertain times: "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves and wiser people are so full of doubts".


The last few weeks have been full of political and social uncertainty. Every day we switch on the news to yet another tragic story of people being killed at the hands of extremists, and regardless of the motivation the outcome is the same - someone's loved one dying before their time. Alongside this we have Brexit in the UK, unseen by most commentators but clearly wanted by the majority of the population who could be bothered to vote. This has created turmoil in our major political parties with a new PM and the meltdown of the main opposing party. In the US there is the unenviable choice of Clinton or Trump, and while any sane person would surely never allow Trump to take office given his extreme views, he clearly resonates with a large number of the voting public. This morning I listened to a piece on the radio stating we have never been so close to the treat of nuclear war, albeit we probably have short memories as I'm pretty sure in the 1970's people had got as far as building shelters in their gardens. Scary times.


So in these uncertain times what we look for is a strong leader, someone we can trust to steer us through these troubled waters... so who can we trust? I was struck as I watched the various political interviews post-Brexit by how much appearance matters in respect of trust. This isn't about do I think you could be a nice person, but do I think you are competent and capable to do the right thing for the country, and can you pull together the competing interests and individuals and make them stand as one when it matters? What fascinated me was (despite my unconscious bias training!) that as I looked at the slickly turned out, suited and booted politicians and my thought was "I don't trust you to be anything other than self serving", and when I looked at the less well presented ones (often women in this case) my fear was they lacked the impact to do the job well.


Of course appearance is no measure of capability but it is stark reminder for me of the immediate impact of first impression and how in this case it goes beyond just an impression of capability or achievement and into trust. While we can redress the balance on the first two areas by listing our credentials, trust feels more instinctive and as such an impression of mistrust is harder to undo. There's good evidence to show that having a trustworthy face is a benefit, you'll do better even if your actions aren't aligned - nature wins again.


Another physical attribute which has been under scrutiny this week is the tone of someone's voice, and again it's a greater challenge for women than men. A high tone conveys less gravitas and is less likely to be heard, which can put women at a disadvantage. That said, accents can also accentuate or disadvantage people - I'm struggling with the new contender for the labour leader contest as his accent and delivery irritate me. I'm not proud of that but it's a fact.


So what does this mean. The world is an uncertain place and we have to look beyond appearances to be clear about who we should place our trust in. While appearance isn't everything, it does count. so if you are looking to get on in the world, you do need to think about the impression you are leaving people with, both in terms of how you look and sound. What you say is only important after all of this. Clothes, accessories, presentation, style are all tools in our armoury - they can help or hinder you in doing your job well. The good news is that as you get older it gets easier - thank goodness as everything heads south!

The economic value of happiness

It's July, the start of our new financial year and the time of year when we reflect on our roles and objectives. Some lucky people will be absolutely clear about their purpose and how they bring value to the workplace. Others, possibly more than we might imagine, will be a little less certain.

One of the areas where I am clear about my purpose and the value I bring is my willingness to have open and honest conversations with people about what they are doing. Not only am I willing to give up the time, but I'm genuinely interested in helping people be their best, whatever that is. Often that starts with a question of "what makes you happy?"

I am an avid believer in the economic value of happiness. I used to think this was me just being a bit soft - wanting the people around me to be happy - but I've come to realise that a happy workforce has a strong commercial value. Happy people are engaged people and engaged people create value. Happy people with a focus on their own wellbeing and that of their colleagues are also more likely to be present with fewer days lost to sick leave be it mental or physical. It makes absolute sense. As ever while the what might be obvious, the how can be more difficult. How do you create a happy workforce?

One study in the US reinforced the importance of a positive mindset (so true - glass half full approach) and providing an environment where people can do their best by:

• Giving staff the ability to make decisions
• Sharing information
• Minimising stress and poor behaviours
• Offering performance feedback.

Easy huh?!? In my world, we require our senior people to be self starters. Past a certain grade you have a significant amount of autonomy in what you do day to day, often more than people realise. This means very little is set in stone (as long as you deliver on a set of core metrics) but it also means you have to decide what you will focus on. Making a basic assumption of 'do what makes you happy' is a good starting point, assuming that's something we can monetise of course!

The other question I explore is "what does success look like for you?". The basic premise that 'more is better' is changing. Global warming, disruptive technology, consumption taxes, the sharing economy - these mega trends are changing the way that new generations are valuing success. Having it all might mean something very different to my children and so defining what matters is vital if you are going to be confident and happy.

For me, I'm learning to be comfortable with the value I bring in the workplace. If I can help others to get to that point by sharing my experience and my time, that's going to bring its own reward.