So I've been wondering whether the quest for purpose is more dominant in women, or just the women I know. I was reflecting while out on my bike this weekend about what changed in me, and I guess some of it comes back to having had kids and wanting the time I spend away from the family to mean more than just a way of paying the mortgage and school fees. This got me thinking about why it might be different for girls, and of course one of the ways in which its different is the whole baby thing. No matter which way you look at it, it's different for girls...
Imagine two career minded people in the workplace, embarking on the biggest project of their life... the first child.
The female view (aka the Project Manager):
From the moment you decide you might want to try for a baby, it starts to take over your life. You are the Project Manager in this story. Convention states that your desire to embark on this project, along with all your fear and excitement, stays hidden until you have passed the first project milestone. In the UK that's generally the end of the first trimester so it's likely you've kept this under wraps from pretty much everybody, work or otherwise, for the best part of a year. That's a lot of time and energy to keep quiet about something so big. Of course the other key player (let's call him the Executive Sponsor) is also sworn to secrecy, but chances are he is not as consumed by the monthly go / no go decision that runs up to conception, or as affected by the rush of emotions and physical changes of those first few months. So knackered and nauseous you carry on, stating firmly to anyone who asks from work that "of course nothing changes". As your peers (and partner) keep going as normal, you increasingly get drawn into the changes that are physically and mentally now dominating your waking hours. As the project manager of this venture, you must plan meticulously for the pre-implementation activities, not knowing quite when or how go-live will actually occur.
Post implementation support is split into 3 phases. The first is hyper-care where your partner and the health professionals are still on 24 hour call. Within 2 weeks however this moves into a more sustainable model - you're pretty much on your own. The Exec Sponsor is back at work, nothing more than a short break akin to a holiday for most, many people will not even know he's a proud father unless he chooses to share the news. For you sanity you however have to make a new network, other mums, and so starts the strange world of post natal maternity leave. In this time every option will be discussed as to 'what to do next'. Some will know they are going back to work, or not. Others will not have a clue. You will angst about doing the right thing, knowing it's no longer just about engagement and reward. Now it has to count as well, otherwise why would you do it? And when you do step back into the workplace - post implementation phase 3 - that's another massive step, and a whole new era of decisions, compromises and adjustments.
The male view (aka the Executive Sponsor)
Clearly you are part of this team but your role is very different and the amount of control you have is naturally less. You are inevitably less connected to what's going on until it happens and even then, you are on the sidelines. You have a part to play in key decisions, as Executive Sponsor of this project you have right of veto, if you dare to exercise it, but mainly you have to trust your Project Manager to propose sensible options to get through this process. As go live draws nearer you feel the anticipation building, but even during go-live you can only do so much. Then after a mad, exciting, exhausting 2 weeks of paternity leave its back to work. The people around you may be none the wiser that this amazing project has been successfully planned and delivered.
So what's the point of writing all of this? I think once you've been through having kids the question of professional fulfilment it is different for a women. You're naturally juggling and hence it has to count. I appreciate this is a first world problem, and many people are simply working to survive. For those of us with the luxury of more choice, purpose counts.
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