The blessing of experience

Yesterday it struck me again how much of our confidence is about perception, and also how it can come and go based on the situation and the people you have around you.  This journey of reflection has me on a confidence high at the moment - finding a path through what I do and why is filling me with a sense of purpose that I didn't have previously and it feels good. I still can't suggest I have all, or even most, of the answers, but I do feel like I'm making progress and that my friends is one of our basic needs.

So why was yesterday special? I was at a Future Partner Development event at Oxford University's Said Business School working with a small group of people on partner track. It doesn't feel like 5 minutes ago that I was going through similar development events, questioning whether I even wanted to be a partner - what would it mean, would it mean daily compromises for the rest of my working career. Was I selling my soul to the devil for the sake of a few more pieces of silver?!? 10 years on (eek - how did that happen) I have some of the same questions, but I finally have the perception to be confident in my ability to make the best of it.

I was particularly struck by a conversation with a lovely lady who is currently on Mat Leave and worrying about how she will come back and balance work, baby, partner processes and all the other demands on her metal and physical energies. As she looks around her there are still so few role models of women who are making it work without excessive compromise, who are managing to combine a demon adding career with being a hands on mum. I reassured her that it is possible, but you have to be strong and don't ever underestimate the importance of your support network - be they for work or otherwise. I remember feeling the same way. I met women who had nannies, women whose kids were a bit older and in boarding school, women who had grandparents on hand to help - all kinds of model but none felt 'quite like me'. The reality is that you will never find the complete fit in someone else's model - after all, that's what makes you unique - but what you can do is pick and chose from other people's experience and think about what might work for you. Of course the other important lesson to learn is just as you think you've got it sussed and you have equibrium, something chances and you have to tweak again - get used to it - being a working parent is a roller coaster!

The other reinforcement from yesterday was how much experience I have gained over the past 10 years. I was a young partner entrant which has mixed blessings - it's less painful getting there but you suffer afterwards, just as everyone is looking at you and thinking you've made it and have all the answers. I now have the blessing of experience and can remind people to breathe, not take it too seriously, remember it's a role play and client situations are often easier, remember above all that what we do is deal with people and people have feelings - treat them with respect. It was really fulfilling to give some of that experience back, to help in whatever way I can make the transition easier for others. The biggest advice of course is don't take it too seriously - it is just a job after all.

All this was reinforced by reading an article shared by a colleague and friend on remembering to do 3 simple things in our frantic, always on, technology enabled world. The article (London Business School, 3 reasons to stop, think and sleep) reminds us that that as senior executives and role models we need to carve out space to recharge and reflect. Being busy is addictive but it's not a long term strategy for success, particularly as our world becomes ever more complex. Focus on priorities takes time, after all as quoted 'when you're fighting off the alligators it's hard to remember you were trying to drain the swamp'...