That's pretty heavy stuff, but it's so fundamentally important in finding our purpose - we need to be proud of ourselves, of our accomplishments and abilities, but also we seek to see pride in our efforts from significant others, particularly those we look up to, our parents.
Pride can be confused with arrogance, but they are very different. Pride is a rational evaluation of oneself - of achievements that are worthy. And there in lies the challenge. Very few of us are good at standing back and seeing our own accomplishments for what they are, for knowing when we have achieved something that is good or even great. I can't count the number of times I have genuinely praised someone for doing something that I would not have acknowledged in myself. We are often our hardest critics, and in doing so, we make assumptions about what others would see as success and something to be proud of.
In my rational moments, I know my parents are proud of me and what I've achieved. I have a wonderful husband, great kids, a lovely house, my health and happiness. I have amazing friends and the opportunity to do the things I want to do. I have strong moral framework based on the things my parents taught me - respect, honesty, hard work, love. Despite all of this my irrational self strives for more, I don't yet feel I've done enough. Some of this I know is growing up in an environment where my parents worked very hard to make ends meet, long hours running a family hotel, but it also must come from somewhere else - so what does make some people absolutely driven and others not so? My siblings aren't wired quite the same way as me so it's not all nurture.
As a parent myself I'm starting to get a different perspective. Of course I'm proud if they do well in spelling or ace the hockey match. But actually I'm most proud of the little things, when they look after each other and are respectful, when I see one of them say thank you unbidden, seeing my youngest daughter reading a book for pleasure rather than because she has to, seeing my step daughter complete her first marathon - not because she did a good time but because she worked really hard to get round with a massive smile on her face. I'm proud of my kids because they are becoming good people, not because they've beaten everybody else.
It's easier to be proud of others than of yourself, but unless you can find that rational, unjudgemental pride in yourself, you'll never acknowledge others will feel that way also about you. And if you don't believe the people that matter aren't yet proud of you, you'll never find peace because you'll still be striving. So give yourself permission to be proud about what you achieve every day - it will make a difference.
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