The simple art of talking

Sometimes the most important thing in our quest for meaning and purpose is to know when it's got too much. Yesterday I sadly read the inquest report of a friend which set out how this vibrant, successful man had reached a point of no return and taken his own life. Outwardly it seemed he had everything - a great business, bright happy kids, a new relationship, his health. Inwardly it had all got too much and the business he had built was overwhelming him to the point that his life goal was for something simpler. When he felt this was out of reach, he made a decision which will impact those that knew and loved him forever. The reason I write about this is because it affected me quite deeply. Here was someone I had turned to for wise words and guidance. yet in his time of need it appeared there was no-one he could find sufficient comfort from to be able to face another day. I just wish it had been different.


We see so much now about mental health in the work place. Whether this a sign of the times or the reality that life is getting busier and more complex and our brains are struggling to evolve as quickly as they need to is unclear, but it's a good thing that some of the former prejudice is being addressed. For any of us who step out of bed in the morning with a sense of purpose - be it because you have a passion or a mortgage to pay - there are many demands to consider and it's a juggling act. For some it's just too much and so the question is how to balance?  This is as important (if not more so) than any search for meaning - after all what value does meaning have if you've no one to share it with?


Balance is one of the most important lessons I learnt many years ago, and it's been a principle I've stuck to. Realistically you can't expect it everyday - it's a bit like feeding a toddler - some days are good, some not, but the question to ask is have you got it right if you consider it in the round. Like many I probably learnt the hard way - broken relationships, burn out and the rest and for me the lesson was finally driven home when my first daughter arrived somewhat unexpectedly 8 weeks early. I went from being absolutely front and centre of my team and our work, to being in a neonatal unit, completely out of the loop. The world didn't stop. The work got done. People stepped up and I realised I was dispensable and that's a GOOD thing.


Finding balance comes in many forms and I am a passionate believer in the power of conversation. Talking a problem or challenge through for me is a wonderful way of exploring the options and getting a different perspective. If this can be done while walking then all the better. Walking is one of the most underrated exercises and accessible to everyone without exception. For me often a walk with a friend to talk something through is all the therapy I need to restore the equilibrium in my mind and the faith in my heart. I suspect this is also why the rates of male suicide are far higher than female - women naturally it talk out with a friend - men apparently less so. Being silent is not being strong.


I am lucky enough to have an amazing network of brilliant, inspirational, loving friends - male and female but it's the women I look to for my therapy. Whether its a glass of wine and a giggle, a long walk and a deep conversation, a moment shared via text or a saga explored face to face they are there for me and vice versa. I have a personal network and a work network of women like this and they are vital to my development, well being and sanity. Without them I would be so much less and I love them all.


So my lesson to take into today is to be grateful for all these lovely people and remember the quest for purpose is only one of our needs to satisfy. There are so many experiences to savour and enjoy along the way. Look around you for the people that love you and find time to talk - it's a wonderful thing.