Trying it on for size

Over the past week or two I have been on a bit of a journey of experimentation around the subject of confidence. Having taken to heart the '6 things people need' I've been also making a conscious effort to observe and acknowledge more explicitly the fact that I'm no different to others in a quest for purpose. It's been quite a revalation! What's been so interesting for me is that having acknowledged to myself that this search for higher purpose is such a common one, it's allowed me to let go and start see the purpose in what I already do today. The reason this is so surprising to me is that it's not as though I thought I was the only one, so what's changed? There's something of the mindfulness approach at work here. Although I don't explicitly practice mindfulness, I do seek quiet spaces and time to reflect, think, plan and be thankful - normally an early morning walk is a perfect space for me to do this. I also listen to many podcasts and these stories of other people can help to put my life into perspective. The most powerful podcast recently in this respect was Kim Cattrall on Woman's Hour. She gave a frank and raw insight into her problems with insomnia, a condition that seemingly came from nowhere and quickly took over her life. If you can, seek it out and listen as there are so many lessons. The two I took away were these:
1. Never judge someone at face value - Ms Cattrall looks amazingly composed and together - inside she was falling to pieces;
2. When a problem arises take time to fix it - for her it was to learn to stop, let go, do nothing, be still,  breathe, just be. She also needed to make this a habit rather than a hobby.

Out of this embryonic acceptance of me comes a growing confidence of who I am and in turn the value I bring. For a long time my secret professional angst is that I'm not and never have been a rainmaker. I excel at building strong personal connections quickly, putting people at ease and creating trust upon which the firm can then develop opportunities to win work. I do this internally and externally and I have a deep seated belief in one team and people first - if we work together we will be stronger and more successful and our people will be more engaged. I've always felt though that this is a bit of a cop out - surely all partners have to be big work winners - isn't everything else secondary? It's certainly the impression I was brought up on.  So while I've held this secret belief I've also noted people want me on their teams. Staff want me as their mentor / counsellor / champion. I'm held up as a role model and generally invited to  strategic meetings. Clients note and value my input. Actually, on reflection others see value in me when I didn't or couldn't. It's taken 10 years of being a partner or equivalent to finally acknowledge that the value of diversity applies to me as well. As ever, you have to first know yourself to know others - as ever, it's all about me.

So I've been trying this on for size. At first hesitantly and to safe friends - partners I think will understand my perspective (and fears). To my surprise they didn't throw up their hands in horror but nodded and agreed. In fact most have responded with an admission that neither are they - most of us are working really hard to make the metrics, we have good years and OK years and recognise that it's only one or two who land the multi million pound deals. The reality is though that it's those we hear about time and time again and it creates this perception we should all be at it. While I agree we should strive to be winning good jobs, we should celebrate great margins as well as great revenue, great teaming as well as individual contribution - we are very quick to hold up the most senior person as the winner. I'd also like to see some honesty and celebration of the many roles that are vital to making our work places the successes they are. After all, that's what authentic leadership is all about.
So my challenge to others this time is to think about what you bring (easier said than done, might take a few attempts and you may even have to ask someone to help you...), and then have the confidence to say it out loud, with pride. The more times you say it the more confident you will become in your own value. Confidence without ego is a very inspiring attribute...and you know you're worth it.